Therapy 101: Kids, Teens, and Families

Last post we talked about what the process of individual therapy for an adult independently seeking out therapy for themselves. But what does the process look like for a parent or caregiver seeking therapy for their child or teen? Or when the whole family needs support? Let’s dive in!

The Consultation

Similar to individual therapy with adults, prior to any therapy session for your child or family you’ll have the chance to chat with the potential future therapist during a brief phone call. The goal of the call is to have any of your questions answered and make sure it feels like the right enough fit to move forward. The choice is yours whether you’d like your child or other members of your family to also participate in the call. Some questions that may be helpful to ask in this consultation include:

• What’s your approach to therapy?

• What’s your experience in working with younger people and/or families?

• What’s your office like?

• How do you navigate privacy when working with kids or multiple members of the same family?

• How do you structure your sessions?

• What are your expectations for parental involvement if my child engages in therapy with you?

Once you and the therapist have talked through your questions and any relevant logistics, you’ll get to decide where to go from here. For family therapy, part of what you and the therapist will discuss when scheduling a first session is who should be present and what to expect. For individual therapy with a child or teen, the therapist may suggest having a first session with parent and child together, or even just the parent/s, to learn more about the family structure. However, each family and child have unique needs that will inform this. And, as always, your voice matters. Let the therapist know what you think would work best for your family or child. 

How do I engage my child or family members in the process?

In working with kids and families, it’s common for us to see kids or members of families that aren’t fully bought in to the idea of therapy. And that’s normal! Here are some of our suggestions to engage your reluctant child, teen, or family member:

• Discuss their preferences

  • Age, gender, ethnicity of therapist

  • Virtual or in-person

  • Day/time during the week

• Give them as much choice as possible

  • Give them a few different therapist profiles or websites to look at and give you feedback on

  • Ask if they want a parent to attend with them or not

  • Try to honor their preferences

• Involve them in the process

  • Be transparent about your concerns and potential benefits

  • Ask if they want to participate in the consultation

  • Encourage them to ask questions and find the answers together

  • Help them understand what they can expect from the sessions

• Normalize their experience

  • Validate their concerns and hesitancy

  • If applicable, share about your own experiences with therapy or connect them with peers or other trusted people who have participated in therapy

• Adjust and communicate expectations

  • Give them a reasonable time frame to make their decision

  • If still reluctant, ask them to commit to attending one or two sessions as a trial run before making their final decision

It’s really normal for people of all ages to be wary of therapy. Our suggestion is to take it slow and give people space to increase their openness. What we know is that the more someone feels forced into it, the less willing they are going to be and the less they are going to get out of the process. However, if your child or teen is experiencing significant mental health symptoms, especially if there are any safety concerns, you may not be able to give them the final say on whether or not to try therapy. Your child’s therapist can support you in this process by collaborating with you around individualized strategies to support your child.

A Note on Confidentiality

Confidentiality, or what is shared with who when, is an important conversation to have at the start of youth and family therapy. For individual therapy with children and teens, confidentiality rules still apply: what is shared in therapy is private and will not be shared, even with parents. Notable exceptions include any concern about safety risks, including abuse or neglect, as well as when the therapist has your child’s permission to share. However, legal guardians do have the right to request therapy records and be given general information around what is being worked on in therapy. We have this conversation up front with our youth clients so that we can collaborate around how to communicate this information to their parents in a way that feels comfortable. We also encourage parents to initiate discussions with their kids about how their experience in therapy is going and are happy to offer individualized coaching around how to do this in a way that supports open communication and relationship building.

Confidentiality looks a little different in family therapy. Since the entire family is the client, as opposed to an individual person, the therapist is beholden to protecting the confidentiality of the entire family, not maintaining secrets within the family. Because of this, we’ll talk up front about how to communicate when something sensitive comes up. While it’s not uncommon for individuals within the family to want to share things privately with the therapist, the therapist’s role will be to support the individual in navigating how to share the information with the rest of the family, or the appropriate members of the family. Every family structure is different and your therapist will collaborate around your specific dynamics and needs to encourage supportive communication.

Sessions

Similar to individual therapy with adults, the structure of sessions for kids, teens, and families will look different for each person and family. The fun part about these sessions is that we usually incorporate more activities, such as art, movement, music, crafts, and games, in addition to talking. And as with individual therapy for adults, there is always room for flexibility. We love getting feedback around what’s working and what’s not, so that we can work together to make it feel as helpful as possible for your child and family.

While there is a lot of overlap in what therapy looks like for people of all ages, we hope this helps provide some insight into some of the differences. We have seen kids of all ages do some incredible work in therapy, as well as families strengthen and deepen their connection to each other. We feel so lucky to bear witness to this work.

Have more questions? Get in touch! Interested in scheduling a free consultation with us for yourself, child, or family? Head here to fill out a consultation request! We can’t wait to hear from you.

Warmly,

Sammy & Miriam